Merry Christmas

Think this is the first year Ive realised just how much we need Christmas . Ive always loved it! But this year ive really felt the love, really needed the togetherness that its brought. I mean yeah sure its stressful in parts but its a manageable stress a almost contented stress, Ive done it enough years now that I feel the last few years ive had the December craziness wrapped up! This year more than any other year I truly appreciate the holiday period, being able to shut down from the every day worries and stress and just enjoy living in the moment, Enjoying being with the people I care about. These last few days have been a real Joy, Started off Friday Christmas eve, with a unexpected Visit from Mona, and then a visit from Fred while the children were out with my mum and Dev. Christmas day was just perfect, spent with my favourite people eating my favourite foods ( I had chocolate cake for breakfast ~ I love my kids) the giving and receiving was more perfect that I could have hoped for & boxing day with my mum, Dev and mona, just enjoying the moment …. Tomorrow is expected to hold another beautiful day as we spend more fun times having what's certainly turned into a well looked forward Game Day”

Cheryls Birthday

With Cheryls birthday fast approaching the kids and I put together a mini music movie of, to help us feel close and keep her memories alive, I know she will remain in our hearts for ever, but they are so young still I want to help them keep those personal memories they have in side them alive in anyway I can ...

Remembering the 31st!

We had a great Halloween agan this year. And so ~carrying on with my cute kid theme ~ Thought I would upload this video of him for saftey reason if nothing else, I wont loose it when its here ...

Cayleb ready to scare all who dare!

                           

My little Horrors!

My beautiful Crystal ~ Looking very witchy!

The cute littlest witch ~

Dancing Fairies

A Nancy Solman painting.




What do you see?

 We ware walking down this road, Not on the night i'd taken this photo It was a few evenings after that , It was a little darker, with more wind and lots of heavy rain, We could barley see from having to slant our eyes to shield the rain drops from falling in and blurring our vision completely ….

...& then it happened

A miserable walk was made so much more magical when my little boy stopped and said “ its just like little dancing fairies jumping in the puddles”

 && you know it was The street lights were just highlighting the puddles that covered over the leaves that had fallen all red, orange and yellow, and the rain was bouncing so high on the leaves, through our slanted eyes the road sparkled and there they were little dancing fairies jumping in

the puddles.~

I really love this kid! He has the most sweetest heart and beautiful take on life.



This photo of the two of us was taken on the last day of the summer holidays,
 he has an extra day off school so we got to go out and have some "qualitiy" one on one time.



Bridget Jones's Diary

I do love Bridget Jones ~ :)

How To Be Alone

This is one of the most creative and beautiful messages i've come across, I first watched it some time back, but was made aware of it again today when it was posted to a blog ive been reading for a while .. I figured I was as well post it up here on mine too ...~ I dont feel alone today, ive not for a while, but when I do, & . when I did, because sometimes I have feelt so very alone,  There is a difference and I believe a person needs to have experienced both to be able to identify the two, I have and being alone really isnt the same as being lonley  .. playing this was the OK that reminded me its fine to be by myself as its easy to fall into the way of thinking that "something is wrong with you if your on your own. TO just let your mind be free without the need to be busy doing something ... 


Being Alone
Without Being Lonely
by Susan Kramer 

Thinking Dreams.

Any time we see what we want, rather

than blindly accepting what is - we are dreaming

andrea schroeder

So the question was ~things that you would like to have in your life. try to include dreams relating to:

Relationships ~ to always have a sold relationship with my children, always. To be more in tune to my friends, so I distance doesn't mean im failing to pick up on those much needed moments, to believe that I could meet that some one I could live my happily ever after with, that guy is out there some place. 

Health ~ to be happy with my diet, to eat more colours, to eat what my body is needing, to live protect myself the best I can through food to give myself the longest possible time on earth.

Career~ I'd like to earn money.

Home~ Short term  to just straighten out the house, to make our home more easier to live in, Its a small home for such a big family … but Its could be cosy than it is. .. To take more time to live in the moment. To feel happy with a sink full of dirty dishes .. OK so I doubt that'll ever happen :)

Finances ~ They need straightening out!

Lifestyle, I want to be free to be me, to not be influenced by what others believe and want. I want to be strong enough to be who I want to be, to understand my wants and needs, to grow and have the patience to see the projects I start through to the end,

and anything else that comes to mind.  To be able to play an instrument, to be able to come home, kick of my shoes light my candles and chill with the music and my children, to move away from the wonders of the web. To live spontaneously for exapmle to be able to pack up a case and go away at the weekend. To let go of that F.e.e.l.i.n.g. That holds me back from doing the thoughts that often flow through my head. 

To live so that words dont hold me back, to be able to knock down and talk through the communication barrier, to know that a conversation will be hard but to speak it anyway to feel able to believe that through talking things will be resolved, Just not speaking doesn't solve anything, so to be able to be strong enough to hold a conversation together even if the other person is loosing control.



Any time we see what we want, rather

than blindly accepting what is - we are dreaming



 

Catching up .... The ticking clock

Things have been so surreal, I feel like im only just starting to come back down to living in the now, most of my waking thoughts for a long time have been with Cheryl ~ and now im coming across those missed unnoticed moments. I try so hard not to take things personally as I know the people around me, my friends and close family wouldn't do anything purposely to hurt me, but some times its so hard not to to take things to heart .. Ive always been a thinker and some times I just cant understand someone actions. I naturally just do what needs to be done to help make lifer easier for myself and for others, If I can do something that I think will help I do .. Ive had to be careful over the years as I know with the children “doing” can often hold them back. Its not easy to admit that feeling of not feeling able to do something, everyone has their own lives, children and families, time is so limited, the feeling is just overwhelming sometimes …

The days have been difficult, comforted by the closeness of being together with family, were starting to face forward.

Tracey ~ comes to stay for a few days ~ a  Silent reminder of how closeness helps heal pain

A quote

Dreams are nature's answering service - don't forget to pick up your messages once in a while. ..

Dreams

                                     

I like quotes ...When I dont have the words to express what im feeling I can usually find  understanding in a quote ...I wonder what my dreams are trying to tell me at the moment. I know life Is all over the place just now but my dreams are even crazier

worlds apart ...

Have just spent the last few days getting to know Mona … “ my new cousin” Mona is my step dads ( I will in time write about him) niece. She is off to university in Leicester on Tuesday. Mona arrived here Monday from Calcutta and is starting to face all the changes that life in the UK will throw her way. Our weather for one, I'm not really gonna blog for to long about it, but really I don't know what we would talk about if it wasn't for our unpredictable sky! Ive enjoyed my time with her, the children have enjoyed her, we sang songs, strummed away on her guitar, enjoyed a familiar movie. And stayed up into the small hours getting to know each other and sharing our lives and telling story's of our families as well as comparing the differences in our countries …

    

Some times you just click with people, a million differences can mean you have so much to share and learn,

I just love it when unexpected visitors appear ~ :: Back step::  I feel im currently experiencing every emotion that go hand in hand with pain of my twisted, broken family, and that of watching knowing a special life is being so cruelly taken away. Im trying hard to except what is and ive been letting myself soak up the love that family and friends are just so freely showering me with in lots of different ways ~ Today my brother James,who ive not seen in over a year, but who over the last few months has been in constant contact,came to visit, I didn't realise how much I had needed to see him, until I saw him today ..
Its like when we spoke on the phone, he was hearing what wasn't being said and he understood.So he came we, laughed we played on the sand, just like big kids, we joked and we talked ... we hung out and enjoyed our time. Some times it really is the actions not the words that make the biggest difference.

Fine family moment ...Crystal,Me,James,Lindsey & Euan, Cayleb, Charday, as it was a last min visit Sammie had already made plans to go out with her grandad so unfortunately didnt get  to see them.

       With 2 of my children dring an afternoon on the beach.

It really is the every day things that keep me sane … At the moment I often find my self taking 5 and when I regain myself I find my hands holding up my head ~ Its the things I have absolutely no control over that make me feel as tho i'm crumbling … knowing I can do nothing but the feeling is so deep that I should do something .. Its when its that tough, that just packing up and walking the short trek to the sea front that I know a simple walk is everything, to some it may just be a little seaside town that has very little going for it, but when your up on that sand you could be anywhere and the ugliness of the town is lost and forgotten to the sea .. it truly sparkles when the sun is out and the sand is so golden it could be any place, its beautiful, its my favourite place to go, to skim pebbles, of which after 8 years Im still rubbish at ...A place to be, a place to remember how very lucky I am ..