So stumbled across this ~ found it funny!

Dictionary of simple words for paretns ....

AMNESIA: condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.

BOTTLE FEEDING: an opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 AM too.

DEFENSE: what you'd better have around the yard if you're going to let the children play outside.

DROOLING: how teething babies wash their chins.

DUMB WAITER: one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

FAMILY PLANNING: the art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you from falling into financial disaster.

FEEDBACK: the inevitable result when a baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

FULL NAME: what you call your child when you're mad at him.

GRANDPARENTS: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

HEARSAY: what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

IMPREGNABLE: a woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

INDEPENDENT: how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

LOOK OUT!: what it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

OWWW: the first word spoken by children with older siblings.

PRENATAL: when your life was still somewhat your own.

PREPARED CHILDBIRTH: a contradiction in terms.

PUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes.

SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours.

STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

STOREROOM: the distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.

TEMPER TANTRUMS: what you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

THUNDERSTORM: a chance to see how many family members can fit into one bed.

TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

TWO-MINUTE WARNING: when the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

VERBAL: able to whine in words.

WEAKER SEX: the kind you have after the kids have worn you out.

WHODUNIT: none of the kids that live in your house.

WHOOPS: an exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge".

Fed Up and F.A.T

Really is no point in blaming the spoons for how im feeling today ~ Only got my self to blame! .. Trying to find something nice to wear to Georgi's and Al's wedding is turning into such a stressful event. Have plodded the high street more times than I can count since before Christmas, looking, trying on and taking off many outfits, id convinced my self that I would have better luck finding something when I went out with the very soon B.r.i.d.e to be to a new set of shops. Today's trip meant that at least Georgi and I could choose my out fit together. Im truly gutted to have returned home without anything and with just 24 days to go .. I feel like ive just added another huge weight to my already heavily weighted shoulders As well as the feeling ive just weighted hers down that little bit more, I wanted the day to be special and I feel all live achieved is making my self upset and feeling very stupid.

Im kicking my self for not having the will power to loose weight alone, I was doing so well back in Aug, but it only lasted a month. Im so shit at dieting,Im a lazy cook and I crave junk food. Tonight im sitting here feeling sorry for my self  willing me to have the belief that I can loose weight but ive failed so many times. I dont really know how ive let my self get to this, I do know that crying is doing any good,m its not fixing anything, sitting feeling fat and ugly every night wont do anything ~ Sitting feeling fat and eating a bag of crisps certainly isn't going to help I know if I want to loose weight I have to stop putting crap into my body, I have to quit keep eating chocolates with friends and heading out for breakfast, lunch and dinner with who ever I can get to come eat with me. I know what I gotta do but im just to fat and unmotivated to do it.

                                        Maybe I should try this new point system at weight watchers ….



Sunday ...

Sunday, the sun came out for a short while, it had long gone in by the time I was ready to go, but I took a walk along the beach before going over to spend a little time with my mum. ~ With the kids at their dads, Dev at work, it was enjoyable to spend that alone time with her ... She seems to be opening up more and more about the past about the future and her feelings on lots of different issues ...  we seem to have reached a new stage in our mother/ daughter relationship. .. more openness than ever before ...

Lady walks her dog along the waters edge

I love this bit .. when you enter the beach from here it it loos

af it you could dive in the sea!

The light reflecting

The lights on ...

This pic of me & mum was taken in the summer of 2010.

Lost in thoughts.

Thinking about my son...It was always going to be very pink for him growing up always surrounded by girls, being the youngest of 3 big sisters ~ Who all from day one took on the roles of mini mum with him, they helped do everything for him and just poured so much love onto him. As he has grown from babyhood, to toddler hood,as he entered the preschool years and now as a mighty fine 7 year old he had the most amazing unique bond with each of his sisters, Thankfully for his sake over the last few years they have all stopped mothering him just a little, allowing their relationships together to grow. Cayleb was recently asked by his dentist how many brothers & sisters did her have, He told them he had two big sisters and a little one ... That being Charday, he clearly thought of her as being a younger sister, maybe because of her height, maybe because of her shy timid ways ~ who knows.

 Being only boy in our family unit at home. Girls take over the house, Altho he knows no different I certainly don't think this has had any negative effect to his childhood at all ~ I dont think he will grow up in any way resentful of the "pinkness"  I believe this has given him many a lead role in the games they play he has been the husband, the boyfriend, The big Brother, The little Brother. The Prince, The hero, The knight, Dog and Monster in every game his sisters and their girl friends play.

Their latest phase in game is “ make overs” and Cayleb has thoroughly enjoyed these, we've had some proper belly laughs as he has been made up to be a Princess or a Lady ~ Watching him as he struggles to walk in the little heals is hysterical. Its no more funnier or cuter than watching him bump onto everything with a box on his head being Darf Aider or some. Or Luke Sky walker when he plays alone or with his little boy friends. Im proud of my kid, he is a real spunky little mite, so full of life so happy and not put of entirely by what other people think .. He had great fun playing and then posing for photos with Charday who he'd spent quiet a long time kitting out to make her the new “ dude on the block” He did however tell me don't put them on face book mum! Lol .. No darling boy I wont but be sure they are coming out on your 21^st birthday ~ Joking aside  how sad that he knows some people might make fun of him. I can only let that go that he feels secure enough at home to play freely, im not about to post them and make a point on his behalf. I want him to feel safe behind the walls of his own to play freely. We live in an area where people are very closed minded.

It makes me uneasy at how such games are frowned upon , If I was to share with the world that one of my girls dressed as a boy people wouldn't pay a blind bit of notice but to say my son dressed as a girl makes people embarrassed, It makes them uncomfortable.
I think back to image and story  all over the web and paper back in November of the mum that posted pics of little lad dressed as Daphne is so totally blown out of proportion. What is it adults are really afraid of? That their sons might catch the gay? That maybe he's transgendered. Coz  you know what... he is what he is now and will grow up to be what he grows up to be, I don't believe that playing with the stereo typical gender selected “girls Toys” will make him anything but a better more understanding person but being told he shouldn't do something or that something isn't right, something is wrong about playing a certain way ~ I believe can be very damaging. It makes me sad that I cant share this really wonderful experience that my youngest cuties have shared together, because so many people,including  people from my own family, still have such up tight ways especially today when kids spend so much time slouched in front of the telly or hovered over a computer game . Lots of little imaginations just going to ruins … ::sigh:: My boy loves to play and step into character, with a light saber in his hand he is transformed into the best Jedi Knight,with bow on his head, he can be a damsel in distress and you should see him on all fours cralling about like a mad crazed dog! .. a little bit of lip stick and some shoes with  a heal isnt going to change  who he is any more than a tie a jacket will change my girls ... they will be loved always for being them. 

A w.i.s.h for my son is that he never looses any bit of his sweet natured heart, that he always follows his heart and does what makes him happy. He is such a loved person with lots of friends and millions of good ideas, I hope he never feels ashamed to use them to make the best of him self in every given situation. I wish that all my children grow up knowing that love is something special, and rare and if your able to find that one person regardless of their gender, the one who takes your heart and gives you theirs in return then to love and hold on to that, dont be afraid to love who they do and stand up for what they feel is right.

My warrior

The Christmas Cookie Club

This book was Christmas Present, ~ An easy Christmas read centred about 12 friends, The book has twelve chapters and in each we find out a little about each friend. I would so like to give all my favourite girl friends a copy of this book and invite them to my very own cookie party, Maybe I'll gift it too them all for a present next year, give them a year to read it with an invite the following ~ Or maybe not ~ The idea sounds lovely but I dont cook! Lol ~ I guess I could follow a cookie recipe from the book after all they give one at the start of each chapter.

Many of the characters I can relate to my own girl friends ~ I kinda visualized them to look like the friends I know ~  behind those pages this cute little read made those that are far and that of those nearby feel closer.

I find a lot of h.a.p.p.i.n.e.s.s. In books One of my favourite things to do is take a bath , light a candle or two and soak in the bubbles with a book, Its even better when the kids are home and getting on with each other, with their music, telly or voices them playing in the background is the comforting sound that reminds me to savour it all … its all good

On the first Monday of December, every year, twelve friends gather in the evening with batches of homemade cookies wrapped in beautiful packages. They drink wine, they eat and they take turns telling the story of the cookies they have baked. Somehow these stories are always emblematic of the year that has just passed, as complicated and rich as our own lives. Lives full of sisterly love and conflict, yearning for babies and grandchildren, passion and disillusionment with men, a secret decade long affair, the loss of a job, the death of a child ...These women are as imperfect as real women, made heroic by their ability to resolve conflict, to endure and support each other.

                                ....Go Grab A Copy ....
                                                                   Its worth the read.

The Interview

Fingers crossed I think it went ok!

Im pretty sure I pulled it together real well, I dont function to well in the mornings, tend to get a little tongue tied, SO I got up extra early, put on those feel good songs “Dont stop me now Queen” Has a feel good breakfast with the kids! Ive got my fingers tightly crossed, I really think this could be what I need a whole new shake up! I certainly need the money, Have gone to bed every night thinking of working, Everything about the job sounds like it would work.

Focusing on the positives, I held my own in the interview, The interviewer was also a single mum with cold sores lol .. I didn't point hers out nor draw attention to my own, but boy was I pleased too see sores on her mouth! Ive been having nightmares about my lip for days ~ Managed to cover it pretty well but obvious the skin is damaged their so you would have been able to see!

Well I should find out by the end of next week, if Ive been lucky or not .. Who knows, Its would be amazing to get the first job I applied for! Ohhh please please please please please ..... let it be me!

me & my camera!

Ive decided to attempt another 365 project except its not a 365! I've joined the "year in pictures" group over on flickr, Im not going to take a self portrait every day, I know what I look like. It will be more a chronicle of my life thought-out the year 2011, as I continually work towards keeping afloat and not sinking under to a tidal pull of depression, loneliness & chaos. My love is with photography and in the past its what's kept my spirits high giving me a reason to go for that walk and shoot some photos. Im not promising my self this project will be something beautiful or well composed. My self portrait 365 anded up being so much about vanity, I spent more time editing a photo to make it work rather than working to get the photo right. Im not even making this about the perfect image, if I can improve my skills along this journey then what a bonus that will be. This will be about me and my year with my camera. I aim to use this blog to jourmal some of the more private thoughts that I wont put on flickr.

Soup .... I gotta try to get some more goodness into me, ive felt so tired this last few weeks, I believe its my bodies way of saying im in danger of getting real sick if I dont sort it out ..

Thanks cat!

 Thanks to my cat I now look like complete shit, Already battling that run down feeling, having a mouth full of Canker Sores, and a fresh Cold Sore on my lip ~ My cat decides he will jump on my face in the early hours of this morning, busting my lip ~ Not only did it startle me and cause me to scream, cry waking two of the kids, but ouch it sure hurt and my god did it bleed! ~ T.h.a.n.k.s. C.a.t



gonna look great for my job interview on Tuesday!




He's just a big softie, and was just jumping up on the bed for a snuggle.

In a bit if a blue funk

Ohh pull up a chair, im hosting my anual pitty party

This is usually a party just for me, so you are intruding you know … but being your here you might as well stay, The pretty "feel sorry for yourself tissues" are over there, grab a pack.
Clothes a little too tight? Yeah mine too, grab some chocolate,Its always good to shovel a little more down your mouth when you've obviously eaten way too much in the first place!

Oh the joys of January ….Finding it very hard to get motivated, seems like im taking two steps back each time I climb this very steep hill. I didn't set my self any new years resolutions this year, I figured Id save my self the set back of failing. I loved Christmas so much, I just love being able to switch off and have all my family and friends with me as we hide in this little bubble of magic for a few days. But then comes the new year and smack straight back into reality and that at times can seems a pretty lonely place. I do love the calmness of being alone, and being able to lock the door and just savour it being us “ the kids and me” But the normal comes like a bump every year. After being surrounded for nearly two weeks straight, the silence when routine starts back is hard, The children back at school, being with their dad. While the full on can be exhausting the empty of them not here leaves me feeling a little forlorn, Left alone to face the reality of my house that jack built! I love my house, if I could just afford to keep up the maintenance on it, The damp this year seems worse that ever, of course it would do, because I never dealt with it from last year, The slugs are back in military force this year looking meaner and scary that ever before! BREAKING THE FOURTUNE COOKIE I do have a job interview this coming week, I have everything so tightly crosses, Im seeing the £ in my sleep. Thinking just what I could do with the extra income each month is getting me through. Now if I could just get rid of these blooming cold sores that are plaguing my mouth, I think I can hold my own in the interview!

It will be February before we know it and that always seems like a much friendlier month ~  January leaves this blue funk feeling.

Happy New Year

                  
So here it is 2011 ~ I wonder what changes this year will bring with it. One thing for sure is im not writing my self a huge list of resolutions, There seems little point, I didn't really tick many off of my last years list! I just aim to try and be the best person I can be, and enjoy this precious life with my children, family and friends.