November

We had some real sad news last week. Dear Gramps. Ray Hardman died aged 89. Bless that man he was star, one of the nicest men id ever known. We distanted from each other a little over the last 10 years, We exchanged cards and letter thoughout the year .. But before our move here him and Nan ( Eve) were a big part of our lives. Ray was born in the village and died in the village, He was buried also in the Village, Man that man was the Village. It wont be the same with him. We didnt make it to the funeral. It was possible. Im sad about that. We did have our own special dinner which we dedicated to him, I got out the photographs of him and spoke to the children of some of the memories I had of him Big C and S shared the memories they had. we said some words and wished him a a Peacful Rest.
Just because someone is no longer a full part of our every day lives, the kindness they showed in the past always stays with us .. and through out memories they will lives on for ever.
Ray Hardman one of the kindest men I knew.

CLOCK TICKS

Bloody hell .. I cant believe the weeks are just rolling past so very fast at the moment.

:: Touching wood:: Oh heck i'll touch it again just for double luck, Things seem to be going OK The kids seem to have no fully settled into their new class and school. I truly believe it took me longer to adjust to this than it did them, Im still not sure I really feel that in touch with what is going on in their school lives at the moment, but it is still early days.
Im enjoying my college course, finding it hard to fit time to study in and complete all the home work that's being set, Its all very new, again I just need to manage my time a little better. Ive applied for 3 jobs this week covering the run up to Christmas so fingers crossed something will come of that ~ Its hard to stay hopeful all the time when I just feel like im getting so many knock backs.

The weather has been wonderful the last few days weve had a mini heat wave totally unheard of for October weather ~ Long may it last tho! This sunshine is just what ive been craving!

My favourite tunes at the moment!

one year on,

19th September 2011. Its been one whole year since we lost Cheryl.

 A whole year without her. Harley seems real really, still struggling to believe its true, the weeks go so fast It could just be  like Id not seen her for so long, but of course its not, we would never have gone a whole year. I still have moment when for a second I forget, moments when I think its been so long, Not a day goes by when I don't think of her. 

Loosing Cheryl has  made me aware of just how short life is and how we really should take every chance to make sure we are living the best of our life in a way that makes us happy. If I dont like something no longer will I just except that this is my lot I'll change it or fix it best I can.

Im not sure I will ever fully understand how life can end so suddenly, how with all the medical advances we have today some one cant save .. How we cant cure all Cancer .. Maybe in a few more years things will be different ... 

Eeeek!!!

Today its my turn!

Been a bloody long time since I studied for anything!

First day of college!

what in the years ...

So 35 years ago today I made my way into the world .... Born by C section close to midnight, my mums dream to become a mummy was made, after lots of lost pregnancy heartaches I was here to cause havoc for her forever ~ Happy 35 years of mother hood mum.

30 years ago from now, I was getting all excited about my 5th birthday party? Was I really? I duno my memories doesn't go back that far but I probably was, we celebrated my birthday every year with a little party, I cant Imagen not being happy about it!

25 year back from now I hit Double figures being 10 was just the best!

24 years ago I was a bridesmade for my birthday ... My coolest Uncle Gary got married!

19 years ago today I was all grown up and 16 years old .. Lordy lord that sure seems a long time ago!

17 was BIG 18!

15 years ago I was celebrating my first birthday as a Mummy! My beautiful baby girl was 7 months and smiling for england, Celebrating in our first family home, our little flat in Melbourn

14 years ago was the even bigger 21

13 years ago, I was a mummy to two very beautiful little girls, Celebrating in our new home in Shepreth

11 years ago the year 2000 My first birthday of the new centenary also my first with 3 little girls ... My mellinimum  baby!

10 years ago from now I was 25 ... with 3 beautifully growing daughters ~ My first birthday as a single mummy, with lots on my mind as I was preparing my big move to lowestoft .. This was my last birthday in shepreth!

8 years ago today I was fully settled in my new sea side home with my 4th child, my amazing little boy was 2 months old. I got engaged on this date! Well Its a mile stone right, even if it wasnt meant to be, I was now a mummy to 4 wonderful children my little peeps.

5 years ago today after a pretty hard year, was now a single parent again. I celebrated my 30th with a visit and meal out with my family and an evening with my favourite girl, my BBF Netty ... Im sure that cant be 35 years ago! Crazy!

Lots of cool funny stuff has happened in between the years, Ive had some wonderful birthdays!

Today 35 years from that wonderful entrance to my life I wave my beautiful first born off for what could possibly be her last " first day back " at school .. Good Luck in year 11 baby, study hard - exams are coming!

My birthday breakfast ... thanks to my babies ~ Love ya millions you 4 are my world!

All the best baby girl! xxxx

Congratulations! Today is your day.

Good luck to the both of you 

Looking wonderfully smart in their uniforms .... Big C's turn on Monday,

Wishing you all wonderful start to your high school years ..

Lots of love 

No other book is more appropriate for September .. I just love this tale ....

Congratulations!

Today is your day.

You’re off to Great Places!

You’re off and away!

You have brains in your head.

You have feet in your shoes.

You can steer yourself any direction you choose.

You’re on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the guy who’ll decide where to go.

You’ll look up and down streets. Look’em over with care. About some you will say, “I don’t choose to go there.” With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you’re too smart to go down a not-so-good street.

And you may not find any you’ll want to go down. In that case, of course, you’ll head straight out of town. It’s opener there in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen and frequently do to people as brainy and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen, don’t worry. Don’t stew. Just go right along. You’ll start happening too.

Oh! The Places You’ll Go!

You’ll be on your way up!

You’ll be seeing great sights!

You’ll join the high fliers who soar to high heights.

You won’t lag behind, because you’ll have the speed. You’ll pass the whole gang and you’ll soon take the lead. Wherever you fly, you’ll be best of the best. Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don’t.

Because, sometimes, you won’t.

I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.

You can get all hung up in a prickle-ly perch. And your gang will fly on. You’ll be left in a Lurch.

You’ll come down from the Lurch with an unpleasant bump. And the chances are, then, that you’ll be in a Slump.

And when you’re in a Slump, you’re not in for much fun. Un-slumping yourself is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked. Some windows are lighted. But mostly they’re darked. A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin! Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in? How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And if you go in, should you turn left or right…or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite? Or go around back and sneak in from behind? Simple it’s not, I’m afraid you will find, for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.

The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.

No! That’s not for you!

Somehow you’ll escape all that waiting and staying. You’ll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing. With banner flip-flapping, once more you’ll ride high! Ready for anything under the sky. Ready because you’re that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored. There are games to be won. And the magical things you can do with that ball will make you the winning-est winner of all. Fame! You’ll be famous as famous can be, with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don’t. Because, sometimes, they won’t.

I’m afraid that some times you’ll play lonely games too. Games you can’t win ‘cause you’ll play against you.

All Alone!

Whether you like it or not, Alone will be something you’ll be quite a lot.

And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.

But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl. On you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. Onward up many a frightening creek, though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak. On and on you will hike. And I know you’ll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are.

You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?

Yes! You will, indeed!

(98 and ¾ percent guaranteed.)

Kid, you’ll move mountains!

So…be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ale Van Allen O’Shea, you’re off to Great Places!

Today is your day!

Your mountain is waiting.

So…get on your way!

First Day back

Good Luck Little Dude

On your first day back

As a Year 4 Student,

Which means you have up graded

to a year 4 school bag!

Its gonna be quiet without you

xxx

Pain

Its so painful watching you fall from the pedestal Ive put you on.

I always do it, At nearly 35 years old ive began to realise ive done this more than a handful of times in my life now. I guess that would make it a habit of mine.  Its something I do, I  take someone, put them up so high on a pedestal, cant see any flaws, just perfection and when they fall from that pedestal, because they always do  b.e.c.a.u.s.e  there is no such thing as perfection this is  life and people are only human.

We all make mistakes.

We all have and will at times act in the heat of the moment.

We can all be selfish, only seeing the needs of ourselves.

We all at some point acted reckless.

We've all taken for granted those who are important to us

I feel so hurt. 

But you wouldn't even no why,

you've done nothing wrong,

Your just human,

I only have my self to blame.

Nothing was forever.

I never said for always.

I want to run.

To turn the corner to leave behind the pain.

This Self inflicted pain.

You would have never know.


You would take forever to notice me gone.

A million words that got spoken.


In the silence. 

A million actions that didn't.

I feel used.

I was good enough when it sutied you.

When you needed the help.

When you wanted the words.

When you had to remember.

When you asked for the time.


When you needed some reassurance 

I would give you everything.


I never felt it was a one way ticket.


I felt we were equal.


I felt you understood.

I held you up so High.


I could see you from where I sat.


But now its hurting.


Now its old.


Its Cold.

Ive been watching you fall for a while.


From A far.

Tumberling little by little each season.

Moving further and further down.


Wanting to pick you up.


To hold you high.


But wanting to let go.


Wanting to watch you fall.


Wanting to catch you at the bottom.


To offer a rope.


To keep it up.


To let you drop.


To tread the water, Ive been treading for so long.


We didn't need to see it the same way.


we didn't even need to see things from each others point of view.


I didn't need you to talk to me.


I never asked you to acknowledge anything from me.


You never wanted anything from me.


but OMG you took so much.


Were not going to talk about it .


Ive nothing left to say.


Its old.


Its tired.


Its broken.

I put you where you didnt ask to be.

I should never have put you so high.

School time again ...

Have been having a few very very emotional mummy moments the last few days, As the kids all get ready to go back to school. They all seem so much older now which obviously they are older than last year, but they have done alot of growing this year. Also now that the middle school has closed and all 3 girls will be going to high school it makes every emotion more intense. We had a long wait in the que the pother day to collect their new uniforms. The girls all look very smart. This is Big C's last school year , It seems like only yesterday she has her very first day at school. I remember it so well, We got up early and took the walk to the train station,  thankfully the train was on time, we took the short ride to the next village, singing songs and talking about how we expected her day might go. We had a little time to spare before school, so we stopped off to feed the ducks on the bridge going into Melbourn. There was one little duck that for some reason, known only to ourselfs reminded us of Charday ( who was still very young) We called this Duck Charday Duck and Crystal loved to spot it. Crystal was only in school for the mornings to start with so I sat around a fiends house clock watching till It was time to collect her. She came out without a care in world and talking all the way home about every thing and anything except school and how her day had been :O)

I sometimes wish I could go back, just for the day and spend a moment living those times again, I would linger just a little longer as we fed the donkey at the garden centre on our way to the train. 

The years have flown.  

Jere we are now with her about to enter year 11, S will go into year 9, Middle C to year 7 and my baby boy is starting year 4. 

Wishing you all wonderful year kiddies ... Try your best and Work Hard ... love ya millions!

End of summer

So here we are at the end of the summer ... Its flow past very quickly! Im back to work on Tuesday and Kids all stagger their dates back to school From Thursday ...

Altho the weather hasn't been the greatest we've had a good summer, if some what a slower pace than previous years.

Pretty pic heavy but a taste of our summer ...

trip to buildabear to build Darth Paws

DarthPaws

Lots of yummy things eaten this summer .. Cookies and Smoothies of
all sorts!

                                                               We got up early one morning to watch the sun rise!

I got the time wrong so we spent an hour waiting .. Opps!

They loved it really!

So pretty well worth the wait

This is one of my best days so far a memory i will treasure for ever!

My fab kids ~ they are growing so fast now ..

We did loads of beach walking over the summer, collecting lots of beach treasure,

Making beach art

and just having fun!

Plonkers!

Sammies beach art

Add caption

This summer has been about haning home with friends for us all.. Ive not spent as much time with mine as I would have liked, but its been good to see the ones I have, both old and new friendships ...I think the kids will be pleased to get back to school with theirs.

Getting some use of those really messy christmas gifts! 

These two spent a week in Thetford at guild camp

Even Hulio is starting to look much better!

Camping

We got home yesterday from a wonderful few days away Camping with Jo and the kids, The weather let us down a little and even tho the nights were very cold and the evenings were wet, we had the greatest time walking the Norfolk beaches, we spent a day crabbing in Cromer, had some great walks in the woodlands, Charday and I even spotted a fox early one morning, We took an evening walk at dusk and let off some sky lanterns. The children made new friends on site and we spent evenings playing Uno huddled in tents. 

Early morning trip to the shop to get the paper, nothing like walking out in your pj's ..

walking the pretty sites

Cromer beach

Sky lanterns at dusk ....

Crabbing in the rock pools

Woodland walking

Cousins stop to pose for a photo

Winding down at the end of the evening ...

The Chicken or the Egg

On walking to town with Little C I asked him the question of all questions .. " what do you think came first the chicken or the egg ... Oh I should have known such a question would just be too much for his little 8 year mind to cope with as some many hours later he was at home goggling the question to see if he could find out the answer lol ... Of Course it just didn't end there as he started on the whole how did the first baby arrive questions ... I just love watching him think, the expressions he pulls are simply some of the best!

Weve been keeping our self busy these last few days, by walking the beach looking for sea glass, Im not really sure what we will do  with it all once we have a nice collection, Maybe make some jewellery or just leave it in pits around the house. But this has kept us active and got us out the house without needing to spend too much money.