Pain

Its so painful watching you fall from the pedestal Ive put you on.

I always do it, At nearly 35 years old ive began to realise ive done this more than a handful of times in my life now. I guess that would make it a habit of mine.  Its something I do, I  take someone, put them up so high on a pedestal, cant see any flaws, just perfection and when they fall from that pedestal, because they always do  b.e.c.a.u.s.e  there is no such thing as perfection this is  life and people are only human.

We all make mistakes.

We all have and will at times act in the heat of the moment.

We can all be selfish, only seeing the needs of ourselves.

We all at some point acted reckless.

We've all taken for granted those who are important to us

I feel so hurt. 

But you wouldn't even no why,

you've done nothing wrong,

Your just human,

I only have my self to blame.

Nothing was forever.

I never said for always.

I want to run.

To turn the corner to leave behind the pain.

This Self inflicted pain.

You would have never know.


You would take forever to notice me gone.

A million words that got spoken.


In the silence. 

A million actions that didn't.

I feel used.

I was good enough when it sutied you.

When you needed the help.

When you wanted the words.

When you had to remember.

When you asked for the time.


When you needed some reassurance 

I would give you everything.


I never felt it was a one way ticket.


I felt we were equal.


I felt you understood.

I held you up so High.


I could see you from where I sat.


But now its hurting.


Now its old.


Its Cold.

Ive been watching you fall for a while.


From A far.

Tumberling little by little each season.

Moving further and further down.


Wanting to pick you up.


To hold you high.


But wanting to let go.


Wanting to watch you fall.


Wanting to catch you at the bottom.


To offer a rope.


To keep it up.


To let you drop.


To tread the water, Ive been treading for so long.


We didn't need to see it the same way.


we didn't even need to see things from each others point of view.


I didn't need you to talk to me.


I never asked you to acknowledge anything from me.


You never wanted anything from me.


but OMG you took so much.


Were not going to talk about it .


Ive nothing left to say.


Its old.


Its tired.


Its broken.

I put you where you didnt ask to be.

I should never have put you so high.